Communication Types and How It Helps Us Serve Others
Communication Types and How It Helps Us Serve Others
Communication Types and How It Helps Us Serve Others
Communication Types and How It Helps Us Serve Others
In this episode, Howard and Brantley discuss communication and the importance of articulating our mission, vision, and strategies to help those we love and serve.
Audio Transcript
Brantley: Howard, this week we are discussing communication and how we can have the best understanding of our mission, values, and purpose. As leaders, if we fail to communicate these things, it creates a gap and a hindrance in our ability to communicate well. So we are going to dig in and talk about what some of those problems are.
Howard: Yes, you see that so many executives and even family leaders that know their mission and values, yet are unable to communicate them in a way that makes a difference in their organization or family. We need a good mission and value statement, but if you cannot communicate that mission one on one or to a group of people, you will fall short. Patrick Lencioni makes this point in his book The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive. Communication must be clear and over-communication is one of the ways leaders offer clarity.
Brantley: Well, there are different types of communication, right?
Howard: Absolutely. That’s why we are making this podcast. Communication takes place through many mediums and to get your message out there you should use multiple. Some different mediums include: one one one, email, text, phone call, video, public speaking, etc. When using these mediums, something to stay away from is competitive communication.
Brantley: What do you mean by competitive communication?
Howard: Kids do this all the time. Listen to the conversation of kids and you will hear them constantly telling each other how great the things are that each of them do. They can hardly get a word out without another kid interrupting to say something cooler.
Unfortunately, executives do this too. Instead of trying to understand what the other person is trying to say, they are crafting their next response.
Brantley: Realizing this really helped me in my marriage. It helps being able to say back what someone else has communicated to you.
4 Types Of Communication
Howard: Yeah, this permeates all kinds of conversations. There are four kinds of communication: competitive, cooperative, one way, and two way. You can imagine a graph with competitive and cooperative on the x axis, and one way and two way on the y axis. Each type of communication has their place, but we often use the wrong kind of communication.
Here are some examples. A diatribe is an example of one way communication. A motivational speech by an executive is also a form of one way communication. This kind of communication has its place and can be highly effective when used in the proper context.
However, the type of communication that is best in most situations is dialogue. A dialogue is a two way conversation that exchanges information and builds relationships.
Brantley: Yeah, so to recap we have a discourse, diatribe, debate, and dialogue. And, in most circumstances, good communication is relevant dialogue with those you love and serve. Howard, how do we have relevant dialogue?
Howard: Our four keys to achieving relevant dialogue is this. (1) Listen, (2) Make it for the good of the other person, (3) Over communicate, (4) Check for acceptance.
Listening Is The Beginning
Brantley: Listening appears to be the foundation or bedrock of good communication.
Howard: That is exactly right, and our God models this perfectly — He always listens to His people. God’s word, in the book of James, says this, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this, everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
Listening is loving and caring. We both could spend the rest of this podcast confessing all the times we failed to listen to others, but if our goal is to communicate well, listening is where we must start.
Brantley: To your point about competitive conversation — if we are constantly thinking about how we are going to win, what we are going to say next, or the best point we can make, we are failing to actually listen to the other person. If we are really trying to be good communicators, you cannot communicate well without first listening.
Jesus listened providentially by knowing who the people he interacted with were — even before the foundation of the world — and even though he knew everything about them, he still took time to listen to them.
Howard: Yes, the first question Jesus asked his disciples was about what they wanted. He already knew what they wanted, but he wanted them to express what they wanted to him.
Listening is love and care for others. In an article for Desiring God, David Mathis says, “Poor listening diminishes another person. While good listening invites them to exist and matter.”
Poor listening diminishes another person. Good listening invites others to exist. That’s exactly what God does for us. Listening is good for your work life, church life, family life, etc. Someone in our sessions said all they do in their work is listen to CEO’s and tell them what they need. Even CEO’s need to know they matter.
Communicating In Daily Life
Brantley: That really is an impactful quote. My question is how do these principles impact your everyday work life?
Howard: It requires patience. We have to slow down. Second, listening is an act of love and a ministry. If listening is the bedrock of communication, then the method of that is asking perceptive questions. Good questions prepare us to speak. If you are locked in on someone else's needs, its much easier to have good questions.
But how does this play out in everyday work? This plays out in many circumstances. One example is a review. A review should be 80% of the person being reviewed talking. The person is going to get there on their own a lost faster than if they are the one talking. Sitting down and giving someone a 30 minute lecture for their performance review is less effective than a few perceptive questions.
Brantley: The other thing I was think of about that was how the person being reviewed can communicate how their experience of the interview was. Some companies do this through polling or surveys. That’s another example of how good questions are important.
Another thing as leaders that we have to do is to take the feedback or answers people give us and act upon it. It’s not enough just to listen — we have to act with the information we’ve been given.
Howard: True listening leads to action.
Brantley: Yes, you have to be open to change.
Howard: So far we’ve talked about how this goes down an organization — with a manager communicating with the people they supervise. However, it is also important going up.
An example of this is Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs did not want to make phones. He thought phones were for nerds. He thought they weren’t cool. Furthermore, once he decided to do one, he didn’t want to have any developers involved with it — no app store. He thought a closed end system would be best. The designers challenged Steve Jobs with questions. Of course, 10 years later, we know how the story goes, but initially the designers needed to challenge Steve Jobs with good questions.
Brantley: That story resonates with me. Many of us just enjoy our technology without knowing these kinds of stories about how a group of people had to challenge their boss with questions so that we could have our iphone.
So if asking questions is a great way to communicate, what are some other good methods?
Howard: Yes, it has to be for the good of others. The Bible says to encourage one another and build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Here, Paul is encouraging them to encourage each other. It’s for their good. So much of our lives is trying to build ourselves up. We talk about ourselves, validate ourselves, etc. But, if we are focused on the other person, good communication will follow.
Another point is over communication. Repetition is important. Say it in different ways through different methods.
Brantley: Communicate about what you are going to communicate about.
Howard: Yes, before you make a big declaration communicate with them about it — even at home.
There is listening, asking perceptive questions, making sure it is for their good, over communicating in different ways through different methods, and checking for acceptance.
In the end, we must check to see if what we’ve said has been understood. If you’ve been understood, great. If you haven't been understood, keep communicating.
Resources
Audio Transcript
Brantley: Howard, this week we are discussing communication and how we can have the best understanding of our mission, values, and purpose. As leaders, if we fail to communicate these things, it creates a gap and a hindrance in our ability to communicate well. So we are going to dig in and talk about what some of those problems are.
Howard: Yes, you see that so many executives and even family leaders that know their mission and values, yet are unable to communicate them in a way that makes a difference in their organization or family. We need a good mission and value statement, but if you cannot communicate that mission one on one or to a group of people, you will fall short. Patrick Lencioni makes this point in his book The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive. Communication must be clear and over-communication is one of the ways leaders offer clarity.
Brantley: Well, there are different types of communication, right?
Howard: Absolutely. That’s why we are making this podcast. Communication takes place through many mediums and to get your message out there you should use multiple. Some different mediums include: one one one, email, text, phone call, video, public speaking, etc. When using these mediums, something to stay away from is competitive communication.
Brantley: What do you mean by competitive communication?
Howard: Kids do this all the time. Listen to the conversation of kids and you will hear them constantly telling each other how great the things are that each of them do. They can hardly get a word out without another kid interrupting to say something cooler.
Unfortunately, executives do this too. Instead of trying to understand what the other person is trying to say, they are crafting their next response.
Brantley: Realizing this really helped me in my marriage. It helps being able to say back what someone else has communicated to you.
4 Types Of Communication
Howard: Yeah, this permeates all kinds of conversations. There are four kinds of communication: competitive, cooperative, one way, and two way. You can imagine a graph with competitive and cooperative on the x axis, and one way and two way on the y axis. Each type of communication has their place, but we often use the wrong kind of communication.
Here are some examples. A diatribe is an example of one way communication. A motivational speech by an executive is also a form of one way communication. This kind of communication has its place and can be highly effective when used in the proper context.
However, the type of communication that is best in most situations is dialogue. A dialogue is a two way conversation that exchanges information and builds relationships.
Brantley: Yeah, so to recap we have a discourse, diatribe, debate, and dialogue. And, in most circumstances, good communication is relevant dialogue with those you love and serve. Howard, how do we have relevant dialogue?
Howard: Our four keys to achieving relevant dialogue is this. (1) Listen, (2) Make it for the good of the other person, (3) Over communicate, (4) Check for acceptance.
Listening Is The Beginning
Brantley: Listening appears to be the foundation or bedrock of good communication.
Howard: That is exactly right, and our God models this perfectly — He always listens to His people. God’s word, in the book of James, says this, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this, everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
Listening is loving and caring. We both could spend the rest of this podcast confessing all the times we failed to listen to others, but if our goal is to communicate well, listening is where we must start.
Brantley: To your point about competitive conversation — if we are constantly thinking about how we are going to win, what we are going to say next, or the best point we can make, we are failing to actually listen to the other person. If we are really trying to be good communicators, you cannot communicate well without first listening.
Jesus listened providentially by knowing who the people he interacted with were — even before the foundation of the world — and even though he knew everything about them, he still took time to listen to them.
Howard: Yes, the first question Jesus asked his disciples was about what they wanted. He already knew what they wanted, but he wanted them to express what they wanted to him.
Listening is love and care for others. In an article for Desiring God, David Mathis says, “Poor listening diminishes another person. While good listening invites them to exist and matter.”
Poor listening diminishes another person. Good listening invites others to exist. That’s exactly what God does for us. Listening is good for your work life, church life, family life, etc. Someone in our sessions said all they do in their work is listen to CEO’s and tell them what they need. Even CEO’s need to know they matter.
Communicating In Daily Life
Brantley: That really is an impactful quote. My question is how do these principles impact your everyday work life?
Howard: It requires patience. We have to slow down. Second, listening is an act of love and a ministry. If listening is the bedrock of communication, then the method of that is asking perceptive questions. Good questions prepare us to speak. If you are locked in on someone else's needs, its much easier to have good questions.
But how does this play out in everyday work? This plays out in many circumstances. One example is a review. A review should be 80% of the person being reviewed talking. The person is going to get there on their own a lost faster than if they are the one talking. Sitting down and giving someone a 30 minute lecture for their performance review is less effective than a few perceptive questions.
Brantley: The other thing I was think of about that was how the person being reviewed can communicate how their experience of the interview was. Some companies do this through polling or surveys. That’s another example of how good questions are important.
Another thing as leaders that we have to do is to take the feedback or answers people give us and act upon it. It’s not enough just to listen — we have to act with the information we’ve been given.
Howard: True listening leads to action.
Brantley: Yes, you have to be open to change.
Howard: So far we’ve talked about how this goes down an organization — with a manager communicating with the people they supervise. However, it is also important going up.
An example of this is Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs did not want to make phones. He thought phones were for nerds. He thought they weren’t cool. Furthermore, once he decided to do one, he didn’t want to have any developers involved with it — no app store. He thought a closed end system would be best. The designers challenged Steve Jobs with questions. Of course, 10 years later, we know how the story goes, but initially the designers needed to challenge Steve Jobs with good questions.
Brantley: That story resonates with me. Many of us just enjoy our technology without knowing these kinds of stories about how a group of people had to challenge their boss with questions so that we could have our iphone.
So if asking questions is a great way to communicate, what are some other good methods?
Howard: Yes, it has to be for the good of others. The Bible says to encourage one another and build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Here, Paul is encouraging them to encourage each other. It’s for their good. So much of our lives is trying to build ourselves up. We talk about ourselves, validate ourselves, etc. But, if we are focused on the other person, good communication will follow.
Another point is over communication. Repetition is important. Say it in different ways through different methods.
Brantley: Communicate about what you are going to communicate about.
Howard: Yes, before you make a big declaration communicate with them about it — even at home.
There is listening, asking perceptive questions, making sure it is for their good, over communicating in different ways through different methods, and checking for acceptance.
In the end, we must check to see if what we’ve said has been understood. If you’ve been understood, great. If you haven't been understood, keep communicating.
Resources